One Down!!!!!

Today was Chemo Day Number One.   I tend to be a bit wordy and apologize about that.  The condensed version is:  chemo went well.  Chemo one is done.  The end.

If you wish, the slightly more wordy version is as follows:
I woke up to about nine texts on my phone awaiting me from family members and friends; each with encouraging words, beautifully uplifting Bible texts and love love love.....it was awesome and a great way to greet the day.  Truthfully, though, I didn't feel anxious.  Not yet.  Apparently God has blessed with an acute ability to push off my anxieties.  Well, for now.....today anyway.  So I didn't feel anxious.  I kept thinking, "Pshaw, I don't need to worry about a thing until after lunch."  Time check......9am.....
My big boys (Liam and Donovan) and I quickly did our paper route together (during school time....eek....rectified by making it into a quick life lesson hurriedly titled "The Need for Flexibility In  Dire Circumstances"; ah...now getting the papers done before chemo IS school time!)

We arrived home.....11am.....never one to waste valuable time, I ushered the kids into our official school room (the place where there are even more books lying around than the rest of our house).  We worked together for a solid half hour and then broke for lunch.  Lunch time!  And now, the anxiety flooded in full force.  Twitchy; irritated; heart palpitating....fun stuff like that.

Sister-in-law, Ashley, arrived a while later with cute little Harper to look after our sweet children: Liam, Donovan, Gwen and Lochlan; and Paul and I left for the Juravinski Centre.

People often tell me I am brave or strong but I have a secret to tell you:  I AM NOT.  I do not like being sick.  I DESPISE needles and on that car ride I told Paul, "I can't do this!"  Giant wuss, huh?  A friend sent me a song this week; it's called "He makes me Brave" and it is fitting.  When you see me and think, "Wow she is so brave"; all that bravery is not me.  It is God lifting me up and giving me strength upon strength upon strength.  Because if it were all me....I would be running far far far from that pointy-evil thing everyone calls "needle"!  
So, despite my obvious self-plunge into wussiness, God used Paul to encourage me and we made it from our car into the building and up to the Chemo Suite.  We signed in and picked up my meds and settled into the waiting room.  Ever wonder what a waiting room at a cancer clinic would be like? No?  I never have either; but let me tell you anyway.  It's cheerful.  There is laughter and noise and joy.  There are smiles and nods of encouragement and support.  Volunteers offer drinks and snacks.  Everyone is friendly and helpful.  So amazing!  So, we settled in.  We were told that wait time could be up to two hours but were too jittery to do anything productive with that time. (oh yeah....I had to take some of those meds that we just picked up to prepare for chemo and 5 tablets were a steroid.  Me on steroids....this alone should be a blog post.  If you know me well, me on steroids is a scary thought!  I felt like maybe I should work on my biceps or run a race or talk really really fast about a lot of things to Paul... .)   Then a pharmacist consulted with me to talk about the meds I would be taking for anti-nausea; oh and the needles that I would get at home to keep white blood cells up (insert math lesson:  1 needle per day over 8 days after chemo x 8 rounds of chemo = how many needles?  That's right......this needle-wuss will be facing down 64 needles + 8 chemo IVs before this is all through!  Good stinking night!  It's so crazy, I may laugh, cry or quote poetry.  Okay, I probably won't quote poetry, but I can alway hope?)

Now, where was I before the math lesson took over.....oh yes....pharmacy consult.  So, she was introducing me to all the anti-nausea meds and I did mostly pay attention.  However, I was freaking out about the chemo and that freaking out was taking on crazy proportions due to the steriods coursing though me; and, my mind wanders sometimes (shhh.....secret two to not tell anyone.  I have totally mastered that "Yes, yes, I am totally paying attention" look); so nodding sagely at the pharmacist while freaking out internally, my thoughts began to ponder something...and it just all comes back to words for me.  The pharmacist is pointing out the medications and naming them and all I am thinking is, "Seriously?  Must the names be that crazy?  They are almost not even proper words because there are far too many consonants and far too few vowels in there.  If I were to name a drug, I would give it a fun name like, "Fluffy-Bunny.  Take two Fluffy-Bunnies before bed if you are feeling nauseous."  Would that be so hard?  We all know the drug-naming-people are uber-smart they don't need to give things a seventeen syllable, consonantal-loaded title to convince us!

With the consult done, Paul and I were led into the chemo room.  Ever wondered about this room?  It's big, bright and airy, lined with easy chairs that line the perimeter of the room.  You sit down facing other people who are getting their chemo.  Friendly nurses and cheerful volunteers are everywhere.  We sat down and our chemo nurse came over to get us started.  Anxiety was in full swing here; cold sweat, quick breaths, jittery legs, wildly pumping heart.....the nurse told me the first time was always the hardest because you don't know what to expect.   She was getting me all prepped when I just got all worked up.   I felt like just tearing out of there and speeding off, pounding some pavement to feel better.  That used to work but I knew that it wouldn't this time.  The nurse and Paul wadded up kleenexes and I got ready for the ................tiny.....prick............
"Okay, it's in." said the nurse.
"Wow, seriously?  I am such a baby." I responded.  Big huge enormous hurricane-gale-like sigh of relief.....and then the chemo began.
It was a short round....about 40 minutes altogether with 2 separate meds being administered one after the other.  And it went well.  Very well.  I am so thankful for that.  

Then it was over and we left.  "WOOO HOOO!" I kept cheering to my now-cringing husband, "ONE DOWN!!!!"  Feels good to know what chemo is all about.  Armed with anti-nausea meds, we went home.

Our car had hardly stopped in the driveway when the front door burst open and out spilled the most beautiful sight....Liam, Donovan, Gwen and Lachlan.  Some of the greatest joys of our life!  They hugged us and poked my bandaid site and led us inside.  Aunt Ashley had made up a sign that the kids coloured that read "GO MOM GO!"  Three pink balloons were with the sign.  What an awesome reception.

I am so blessed.  To have that sign, those kids cheering me on, my amazing husband, parents, sister, brothers, family and friends praying constantly.....  Thank you, God, for Your amazing mercies even in times of turmoil.
I don't want cancer at all.  I don't want to take this walk but I have to.  This is the path God has chosen for me, my husband and kids, my parents and family, my friends.....and He makes me brave through all that support!   Thank-you.

How do I feel now....icky.  Nauseous and tired.  But okay.
Have a great night.

Some extra quotes passed on to me:

From J.R.R.Tolkien:
"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who life to see such times.  But that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

From God:
"You [God] keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
 Isaiah 26:3