I found the lump and the one lump became two. Ladies out there, you know your body and if you notice something different or changed, get it checked. I am so thankful that God kept making me feel like I needed to make an appointment....I kept telling myself, "I am too busy right now" but God would not let me relax until an appointment was penciled in on the calendar.
The ultrasound results alerted the doctors to contact the Juravinski Centre and last Thursday, I had an intense 3.5 hour appointment there. Ultrasound, mammograms and a core needle biopsy. All this was pretty scary but I never felt alone despite the fact that no one knew I was there. God was with me. I had to lie to my mom and Paul because I didn't want them to worry....sorry, guys. ( Is lying okay in this situation? Hmm....insert moral dilemma here.)
Anyways, Paul and I prayed and worried over the weekend and on Monday the doctors called to make an appointment for Wednesday. We were being called back to the Juravinski Centre so we were pretty sure that not-nice news loomed on our horizons. God's plans are often not our plans; we have felt ourselves yanked down uncomfortable roads before so we knew that whatever awaited us in the next few days, God was still with us. He hems us in, behind and before and as we prayed and cried and pleaded for a positive diagnosis, we also prayed that we could trust in God's plans for us.
We called most of our families to let them know what was going on and to prepare them for possible negative news.
On Wednesday, we met with a doctor at the Juravinski Centre who confirmed that there are two tumors that are both cancerous, one more aggressive than the other. I never thought to hear cancer associated with my name. I feel fine. I love to walk, swim, hike and just rescued my son out of a tree that he had climbed too high in the other day..... really? Cancer? Ugh. Doesn't that word just terrify?
Anyways, despite feeling somewhat prepared to hear this news, Paul and I felt like the "earth had given way"... I don't think anything can really prepare you to hear this news. Days later, we still shake our head in shock.
We returned home to a houseful. My mom had looked after the kids while we were gone. My dad arrived after work and my mother-in-law was there. The mothers were cooking up a storm. We shared the confirmed news with them. And then gathered up our beautiful, amazing, wonderful children and talked to them. I never thought I'd have to say the words "Mommy has cancer" but this is our new chapter in the Life of Paul and Brigette. I'm going to skip over details here....
That night, many family members and some close friends came over. We sat together, cried together, laughed together, shared assurances from God's Word together. IT was a wonderful oasis in a time of worry and gut-wrenching fear.
"I brought pie!" said my mom, "and wine....." I remembering chuckling with Paul (my beloved who shares my odd sense of humor in life) and saying, "What crazy sort of party is this?"
Isaiah 41:10 "....so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..."
So thankful for family and the food they bring. So thankful for sharing our burdens with loved ones.
