Good-bye, not Good Riddance. A Reflection on 2021.

I confess: I spent too much time and energy wishing away the days of 2021. 

When lockdowns happened, I eagerly looked ahead to their ending.

When group sizes were reduced, I bemoaned their tiny gathering sizes and planned parties for the future.

When things got cancelled, shut down, or re-arranged, I had adult-sized temper tantrums that may have included ugly crying.

There were fires, there were floods, there was the discovery of mass, unmarked graves of indigenous children; there was division, there was unrest, there were families and churches dividing and I kept looking ahead to the time when this would All. Be.Over.

And in the process of wishing away the bad and the ugly, I’ve also been wishing away the good. 

Covid, natural disasters, and the revelation of horrible historical moments have not been the only things and events that have defined 2021.

In 2021, my family continued to grow older; we celebrated birthdays and anniversaries, healed from surgery or injury, lost teeth, got a driver’s license. My church continued to worship God online and offline; we sang new songs, prayed together, and continued to find creative ways to reach out into the community.  My neighbours continued to walk their dogs; to share baking and books and stories.  My homeschool group continued to hike, explore, study, and play sports.  My sons played hockey. My daughter rode horses. My husband worked more often from home. And, even against the backdrop of so many challenges and hardships this past year, there have been pockets of joy and much to cherish.

So I won’t say Good Riddance to 2021. Only Good-bye.

Though many parts of 2021 were messy and difficult, I don’t want to wish away this one wild and precious life that God’s given me. I want to live. I want to cherish all the moments: the good, the bad, even the ugly.

And I encourage you to do the same.

Life is way too short to be wished away.

Instead, let’s abide by the words of Psalm 90:12: “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

Every single one of us – from the 94 year old great-grandfather to the tiniest newborn baby – are sojourners of this earth. We’re born. We live. We die. Our stay is fleeting and temporary, so let’s live our lives well. Let’s live trusting that God is in control. Let’s live confident that God walks alongside us through trials, troubles, and joy.  Let’s seek out and share beauty, kindness, encouragement, and love. Let’s live abundantly. We have only one lifetime to do so.

And as the time-sands of 2021 dwindle away, let’s look back and reflect before moving forward into 2022. Let’s each look to ourselves and ask: what have I learned and how have I grown in the last year?

1.    What has been hard?

2.    What been wonderful?

3.    What tools helped me through difficulties and enabled me to celebrate the good?

4.    How have these experiences shaped me, my relationship with God, and my relationships with others?  

My friends, this past year was not a waste of time. This past year was not a furtive unfolding that existed outside of God’s control and plans, nor was it an accumulation of days to be discarded or dismissed.

Instead, 2021 was a monumental year of memories and moments that challenged us, strengthened us, weakened us, grew us, revealed our hearts.

So, don’t say Good Riddance.

Instead reflect on 2021 – number your days, gain that wisdom - then say Good-bye.

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bv

 

 

 

The Best Way Forward

Can we find our way back to each other?

Is it possible for us to reach across our cavernous divides and be together again?

Some of my best friends are vaccinated. And some of my best friends are anti-vax.

We’ve shared awkward moments and conversations that got heated. I went home and asked my husband, “Can I be friends with someone who thinks so differently from me? Can our friendship survive?”

Without skipping a beat, he said, “Of course.” He is so wise.

So, today, with equal confidence and assurance, I want to tell you that OF COURSE you can find your way back to each other, even reaching across your cavernous divides of differing opinions and stances on ALL THINGS COVID.

Of course you can still be friends, family members, a church family, neighbours and co-workers.  There is a way back to each other, but it must be a way that is deliberately chosen. It will take work and effort.

There is a most excellent way, and it is the way of love.

“Love is PATIENT, love is KIND. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It DOES NOT DISHONOR OTHERS, it is not self-seeking, it is NOT EASILY ANGERED, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It ALWAYS protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a)

When we chose the way of love, we are patient and kind with each other. We listen to what the other person has to say. We lean in and say, “tell me more, I’m curious about why you feel that way” even when we really want the person to stop talking.

Love gives space and grace for differing opinions rather than hiding out and hunkering down with our comfy and easy homogenous groups. Love is not easily angered because it understands that we are all a little scared and anxious and uncertain; love sees that we are all grappling for footholds of truth that will allow us to clamber out of our pits of despair. But the Bible doesn’t tell us, “Thou shalt not be vaccinated” or “Ye shall be vaccinated” . It really doesn’t; I checked.

But the Bible does tell us that the most excellent way forward is with LOVE.

The truth in all this COVID mess is that we’ve completely lost our ability to love through differences. We’ve lost our way and it’s threatening our fragile and tentative holds on one another.

Let’s chose love.

How?

1.    Recognize that we are all more than our COVID stance.

 

2.    If you talk about divisive topics (ie. vaccinations, masks, church as essential and other hot topics. I can provide more if you need to amp up the heat.)  If you talk about divisive topics KNOW WHEN TO STOP.

a.    Establish ground rules. Perhaps set a timer and say, “Okay, let’s chat about this for 15 minutes” and go for it. Stop when the timer goes.

b.    Do not attack each other. “You’re so stupid” and “You just think this because you’re an idiot” should not factor into this conversation.

c.    Listen to one another. Be curious about WHY people think what they do.

d.    Laugh/love/pray it off. “Whew, that was heated! Let’s pray together and drop it.”

e.    Drop it. We really don’t need to keep beating this horse. Honestly. He’s pretty dead.

f.     Remember the other things you have in common: Books. Work. Cheering for The Leafs. Go ahead and talk about them.

g.    Go ahead and say, “Wow. I don’t agree with you at all. BUT I do love you very much.” We can all use this assurance.

 

3.    Respond and React better. Someone who is angry and attacking is almost always hurting or afraid. Can you absorb some negative energy today and respond, instead, with love? We really don’t need to keep volleying our angry words. Be gracious. Let words drop to the ground and step right over them.

 

Friends, it’s a hurting world out there. I’ve seen families torn apart, churches broken up, friendships divided and all because we’ve allowed this to happen.

Today, let’s stop.

Of course we can find our way because Jesus has shown it to us time and again. Go forth into this day and with all your beautiful relationships and CHOOSE the way of love.

 

(dedicated to all those who are hurting from loss and angry words.)

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BV