It's a Prosthetic Life

There are some things you may not know about prosthetics.
For example, did you know that the plural of "prosthesis" is "prostheses".
I know!
Ka-BOOM!
Mind blown, right?
I mean, these words are even pronounced differently.  Say it with me:  "prosthesis"......"prostheses".

What a world!

Also, have you ever heard someone say, "Man, if my head wasn't attached to my body, I would totally lose it too!"
Because people misplace things.
Sometimes people lose their keys.
Sometimes people lose their sunglasses.
Or wallets.
And sometimes people lose their prosthetics.
Can we all say, "AWKWARD!"
Nothing like hearing mommy hollering from upstairs, "Hey, has anyone seen my boob?!"

Yes, I'm sorry.
This is a blog about boobs.
Fake ones, though, so no one should be offended.
And if you are, I heartily apologize, because I do hate to offend anyone.
Ask my mom.  Offending others makes me feel like I need to hide in a corner, rocking back and forth with my eyes squeezed shut pretending I'm in my happy place.  I'm in my happy place.  I'm in my happy place.
There are unicorns and rainbows and pink fluffy things there.
And they all exist in perfect harmony.
La la la la la la.

Now, where were we?
Ah, yes.  Prosthetics.  The booby kind.

See, this past January, I had a mastectomy.  Due to breast cancer.
I asked the doctor if I should have a double mastectomy but he said,"There was no medical reason for that to occur."

What a man thing to say, I thought, scoffing inside my head but keeping a smile pasted onto the outside of my head due to the whole "I-don't-want-to-offend-anyone" thing I have got going.  Whee!

See, a double mastectomy would have kept things all symmetrical, I thought, but NOOOOOO we were in for crazy un-symmetrical surgery, weren't we?
But surgery was successful and that is a wonderful wonderful thing!  The cancer was removed!
Out out dang cancer!
I am truly so thankful!

But then I healed.  I spent several weeks in sweatpants and zip up sweaters because this healing thing is hard work, I tell ya!
I should make a workout video about it.
We could call it the "Cool Kids Convalescing Workout Video or CKCWV".
You could hang with me in your sweatpants.
There'd be cool music to go with it.
Probably written by my hubby.  Or my kids, who incidentally downloaded some weird music-making app that enables them to put together sounds and make actual songs.
But let's stop getting off topic, shall we?

Healing occurred.
The sweatpants were exchanged for everyday clothes but then....
....there was a lack of symmetry.
Uni-booby is not my look, I decided.

"Let's go shopping!" my mom and my sister urged eagerly.  
"But I don't wanna!" I whined over and over again, "I don't like shopping.  I'm disfigured.  It's too depressing...."  I had all the excuses in the world and I dug in my stubborn heels.

But my mom and my sister pressed on.
"We'll get you some nice bathing suits," they gently prodded.
"You'll feel good getting out, "they assured.
"We'll go with you.  It'll be a girls' night out," they comforted.
"We can help you pick out a prosthetic so you look more symmetrical," they pressed patiently.
And then my sister-in-law chimed in, "I want to buy you something that you need..."
Their gentle and patient kindness wore me down.
Gentleness.
Patience.
Kindness.
And love.
The best healing salve in the world.

My mom took me to the first mastectomy shop on Hamilton Mountain.
When I was there, the owner was very open about that fact that she was a breast cancer survivor.  She also had had a single mastectomy and there she was standing there looking all symmetrical.

She showed me a colourful mold that an artist had made of her.  It was a mold of her....that's right....her boob before her mastectomy surgery.
That boob mold was hanging on the wall with a bright, purple and white flower painted right onto it.

Because suffering, sorrows, scars and sadness often become a launchpad for art.

Haven't you noticed that?
I have.
So many times.
That's so like God.  Taking the horrible and making something beautiful out of it.
Like that phoenix rising from the ashes....
A piece of art on the wall of a successful mastectomy lingerie store.

These are the kind of stories that give me hope.  So much hope.
I would like to pause to pass on some hope to you.
You got sadness?
Tears?
Pain and suffering?
I'm not suggesting that some artist is going to pop out of the foliage just ahead of you and offer to make a mold of it.....but God's got some plans for you.  Plans to prosper you.
Hang in there, dear friend.

While I was at this particular store...."Mastectomy Lingerie" it is called....the owner beckoned me to the back.
"Check this out," she motioned proudly to a glass case.
"I call it my Booby Case," she said and we both giggled.
Because sometimes you just gotta laugh.
Life brings on some powerful punches, doesn't it?
And laughter lightens the mood.

Take that, cancer! I thought as we stood together, uni-boobed both but chuckling.
I gazed into the glass case and saw many different prostheses available for sale. (note the plural form used there!)
Did you know that you can purchase all kinds of different booby prosthetics?
I sure didn't!
But now you do and your life is so much richer for that knowledge!
You're welcome.

There's the Been-A-Boob which is essentially a bean-bag shaped like a boob.  The beans shift with gravity for a more life-like look and this prosthetic can be used in a bathing suit because the water will just flow right on outta there and not get all absorbed by the prosthetic.

Can we all say Handy-Dandy!?  I mean, no one wants to swim with a prosthetic that will go and absorb all the water that everyone is swimming in.
Awkward!
Do you also just love the play on words with the Been-A-Boob....... been / bean?  Get it?
Sigh....I love plays on words.

Then there's the Knitted Knockers.
You can actually get a knitting pattern for these.  A friend of mine knit me one; she's so sweet.  But....then her dog ate the knocker so I didn't actually get it.
I went ahead and ordered one because you can get a knitted knocker for free if you are a breast cancer survivor and go to knittedknockers.org.
Check 'em out.
They are comfy, soft and accurately shaped.
You can even pick the colour you would like it to come in.

Next, we get into all types of silicone breast forms which warm to your body temperature, flatten when you lie down, come in all sorts of skin colours to match your own skin colour, have built in nipples and can even adhere to your skin.
There is one called "Almost U".  Awwww.  So clever!
The Mastectomy Lingerie shopkeeper showed me one of these such silicone breast forms that can adhere to your skin.
That means stick.
The breast form or prosthetic is designed to stick to your skin.
I don't know why, but when I was holding and considering this particular prosthetic I had an immediate vision of my kids running around with it ADHERED to their forehead and me running behind them shouting, "Come on, guys!  Cut it out and give me back my boob!"
So....I put that one back.  Because I am a realist and I could realistically see that happening in my household.

Bean-A-Boob.....Knitted Knockers....Almost U....man, there are people out there having some great fun with marketing plans.
Can you just picture them around a table?
Sharing stories, tears and giggles;
coming up with some great word-play to sell a product?
A product that is so beneficial to others.
I love it.
Gain rising up out of pain.

I'm glad my mom, my sister, and my sister-in-law dragged my whining butt out to these mastectomy stores.
Because I've come to realize that these mastectomy-store-people are my people.
Proudly posing in prosthetics.
Scarred but surviving.
Living loud and laughing lots.
Because cancer can take away so much .... but now I have a whole drawer full of prosthetics.
Oh yeah!
Gain outta pain, I tell ya, dear friends.
Gain outta pain.


Much love and cheers to you all.
Brigette V