Grocery Drama

This morning we needed to go grocery shopping.
This put a little "ugh" into the morning for several reasons; all of them having to do with the fact that I despise grocery shopping.
But we ate the last egg yesterday.
And the cupboards were looking a little sparse.
And my mom and dad are coming over for lunch tomorrow and they may not appreciate the culinary culmination of leftovers that I currently have in my kitchen.

"Anyone care for some residual Kraft Dinner, lightly ketchupped?
And we have half a can of tuna?
Oooh, this would be greatly enhanced with a side of slightly stale tostitoes!
And lightly bruised peaches!"

So, off to the grocery store we went.
Me and the four kidlets.
There was a time when I would avoid this outing like monkeys-allergic-to-peanut-butter would avoid peanut butter!
Because grocery shopping with four young children usually meant there would be a whole lotta crazy happening in a teeny-tiny period of time:  someone needing to pee, at least one awkward meltdown involving ear-splitting, ulcer-inducing screeching, someone racing a grocery cart down an aisle and clipping a tottering senior citizen, someone ripping open a bag of something expensive and repulsive that was not on the grocery list and a final someone climbing towering stacks of canned goods whilst disapproving onlookers looked on.

Grocery shopping just a few years ago meant organizing the kids into grocery carts and baby snugglis so that there was actual room leftover in the cart for groceries.  Bringing snacks and drinks.  Having the diaper bag along so that I was prepared for the explosive bowels that erupted, I could swear, EVERY single time we grocery shopped!  And then dragging at least one child around because there was no room in the cart for him and he would whine louder and louder that "he was TIRED and could I carry him already!"

Grocery shopping with four little ones usually meant that the entire city of Hamilton would have fodder for conversations for the rest of the week based on the entertainment we were bringing to the store.  Just by being there.  A giant, crazy gong show.  With groceries.
"Didja see that lady with ALL the kids hanging on to her cart?"
"What do you mean ALL those groceries will ONLY last her one week?"
"Her kids were CLIMBING the stacks of pop!  My kids would NEVER do that!"

But now, bringing four kids to the grocery store is a special sort of wonderful.   Truly.
We are a well-oiled machine, I tell you.
We come.  We see. We conquer.
We park. We spill forth and connect-hands-for-safety-sake while we cross the treacherous parking lot.
We disengage two shopping carts with our quarter-keys and roll into the store.
We pause for dramatic effect and also because the kids like to stare at themselves on the overhead television-camera thingy.
I pass off one grocery list to the big boys and keep one for myself.  I go over some of the details and then we rev our grocery cart engines and BEGIN!

The list for the big boys takes them far far far to the opposite end of the store and I get to shop in relative PEACE.  I usually have one or two wee ones with me but one or two is so much quieter than four.
We quietly contemplate carrots.
Placidly peruse pasta.
Silently scan and scrutinize strawberries.
Test toilet paper prices tranquilly.
Inhale.  Exhale.
So.  Calm.

I knew my children would love the challenge of grocery shopping.  I began challenging them last year in the form of SECRET MISSIONS.

"Today," I would hiss like we were co-conspirators on some top-secret mission, "your mission is to get ........ the MILK!  GO!"
The kids....usually the older boys.... would channel their energy into bolting in the generic direction of dairy.
"Careful...don't run...." I would weakly call after their fleeing forms.

And then..........milk would be there.
In my cart.
Like some strange sort of grocery store magic.  Abracadabra-style!

Hmmmm....I mentally fist pumped, which is sorta weird to do...this is super handy.
The kids were bouncing on the balls of their feet.

"What's our next mission?  Huh, mom?  What is it?" they would pant, all hyper-sweaty boy energy.

"Your next mission.....is....to get the CREAM!" I would triumphantly state and then they were gone.

After several grocery shopping trips like this one, I decided they were ready for :
The Top Top Top Secret Mission:  The Grocery List.
And they are.

Today, I gave them their list and in less than ten minutes they were back.  We reviewed the list.  So that I don't go home to find that we have a year's supply of chocolate mint ice cream in lieu of milk, eggs and bread.
"Did you get cheese?"
"Yep.  It's right here!"
"Was it the cheese that was on sale?" says I with squinting eyes and suspicious tone.
"Yep, it was $4.88.  Oh and I got this cereal because Dad likes it and Life cereal was on sale for $2.99 so I got it too.  Is that okay?"
"Sounds good." I nod approvingly and that's when I see someone standing off and staring.

Oh, here we go again, I mentally sigh, what is it now?  Are the kids wrestling?  Is someone peeing in a corner?  I hope they are not starting a food fight in the grape section....

But this lady waits until my kids have set off to capture cauliflower and round up raspberries.

"Are those your kids?"
"Yeeeeesss....." I say hesitantly, drawing out the response as I am reluctant to admit full responsibility until I know where this conversation is going.

"They're grocery shopping?" the lady continues, incredulity dripping off her like sweat off a sweaty person after a hot yoga class.

"Yeeeeesssss......." I remain non-committal.

"They were comparing prices and everything!  That was awesome!  Wow!  Good for them!"  The praise was rolling off her lips like there was no tomorrow and it just felt so good.

I mean, my original intention of these Top Secret Grocery Mission Trips was very selfishly based.  I just wanted a little quiet at the store.  A little quiet so that I could think and not just wildly throw the nearest cans into my cart and then careen down the aisles like a mad woman.  I just wanted to stop the crazy from getting crazier when we needed to get stuff done.  This lady was right, though.  The kids were amazing:  comparing prices, considering products, working together and learning.   Nice.

I stood a little taller.
The kids crowded about and I shared the lady's praise with them.  They smiled and high-fived each other.  Then they grinned some more.
They are great kids, I tell ya.
Crazy, but cute and an amazing blessing all of the time.
We gripped our carts and with a tingle of pride lightening our step, we left the grocery store.
After paying, of course.
Because we are not thieves.

What we are is a bunch of lean, mean, Grocery-Shopping Machines!