Feuding with Forty.

Forty.

This past weekend, I turned forty years old and I have to say that my forty-year-old mind has been having some forty-year-old thoughts.  A lot can happen in forty years.  Forty 25ths of December. Forty 4ths of July.  A lot has happened in my years of life; in the days leading up to my dreaded birthday, I spent a lot of time pondering, thinking and reflecting on being forty.

"I'm not sure I wanna turn forty," I whined on several occasions to my hubby.
"It's just a number...." he offered back kindly.
"Forty....just seems so old," I whined back.
"Well, you'll always be younger than me!" he declared and smiled broadly, wrapping me in a bear hug.  He always makes me feel better.  I will forever be the younger woman around him and I feel that it is essentially important for me to feel like the younger woman right now.

Because I'm having a little trouble with forty.

In fact, there are forty reasons that I dread being forty!  But since you and I don't want to literally age whilst writing or reading this blog-post, allow me to elaborate on the top 10 reasons why I am feuding with forty!

1.  Forty seems old.  Those of you UNDER forty are whole-heartedly agreeing with me right now and applauding yourself on your youth.  Applaud softly, young'uns!  Age is a comin' to get you too and Age is a ravenous beast!  Those of you OVER forty are scoffing softly to yourself but you know what I'm talking about!

2.  Grey hair.  Now, I have noticed that grey hair seems to be all the rage and cool and in. I've seen teens with cascading locks coloured smoky grey or softly silver or lusciously lavender-grey.   Grey may be the next groovy thing but I just can't jump on that band wagon yet because my hair is doing that going-grey thing all on its own!  There was a time when I would angrily yank out any rogue grey hairs that I discovered, but going bald post-chemo has given me a renewed respect for hair.  I don't yank out errant hairs anymore but I am planning their ultimate cover-up.

3.  At forty, I wonder if the most exciting parts of my life are behind me.  Those first forty years were action-packed, I tell you!  Rife with romance.  Bustling with babies.  Scintillating with school stuff.  What now?  Will the next forty years be filled with decline, despair, disintegration, and drudgery?

4.  I have not climbed any mountains yet.  Unless, we count the Hamilton Mountain.  I HAVE climbed Hamilton Mountain many times.  I even ran down it once in a race.  That hurt.  A lot.  I also bounced down it wearing Kangaroo Shoes which were purchased in a moment of weak intellect but let's leave the Kangaroo Shoe Story for another day.

5.  Loss of skin elasticity.  You may not have noticed, but aging means leaving behind that super stretchy skin of Youth.   At forty, gaining weight means stretch marks....greyish marks criss-crossing flesh....losing weight means noticeable wrinkles....deep-etched lines carved in skin.

6.  Hearing loss.  Please don't whisper, murmur, mumble, mutter or speak in hushed tones around me.  I will not hear you.  If you have an overwhelming need to do either of the above, please provide sub-titles.

7.  Calorie counting.  In my teens, I never ever ever ever ever did this.  I could eat donuts, grease-splattered burgers and chips and no one would be the wiser unless I had donut-sugar sprinkled like snow down my crop-topped mid-section.  Now, I calorie count.  As in, "What?!  That donut has 570 calories??  Burning those calories will take me 30 minutes on the elliptical plus 20 high intensity burpees and I hate high intensity burpees!  Wah!"  Eating involves large amounts of mathematical calculations now.  If Brigette eats one donut whilst doing 20 squats in 3 intervals, will she have burned up enough calories to cancel out the donut?  If we add in seven short sprints, can she have a glass of wine?

8.  Lack of Bladder control.  This is an awkward one and it's been compounded by birthing babies.  Apparently tiny toes trampling on bladder made bladder weak.  Bad, bladder!  (try saying that five times fast.)  

9.  I have an overwhelming sense of urgency these days.  My time seems like it is speeding past and I am not ready for it to run out just yet.  There are so many things I want to do; I want to see my babies grow up, I want see more of the world.  In my mind, I have so many miles to go before I sleep.  So many miles to go before I sleep.

10.  Crop tops.  Some things in life are better off left in the dark and that includes vampires and my mid-section.  But knowing that I SHOULDN'T wear Crop Tops anymore, makes me rather WANT to.  Maybe just one crop top with a catchy phrase - an educational catch-phrase, of course.  Like
"i before e except after c and in eigh as in neighbour and weigh".  That's it!  I've decided that I will NOT wear crop tops for the next forty years, but at 80, I'm pulling them out!  Who's with me?


Well, Age - that ravenous beast - has caught up with and aged me.  Today, I am forty.  But I'm not going down without a fight.
I may be wrinkly and stretch-marked, deaf, grey-headed and needing to pee at all times.  I may be doing mental math whenever I see food and sizing up mountains to climb in my Grammar-is-Cool crop top but I am still here.

Still here at forty.