Take a Hike, Chemo Three, and take Nausea with You! Of Hikes and Hallways.

For all who remain unaware, today is Wednesday (all day even).  For those in my little world, that translates into "today is HIKE day" and this is a glorious occasion.

Will you allow me to backtrack and explain a little?  Will you abide by while I explain?  I will attempt to be succinct although I am not certain my succincting gene was properly installed.....

Well, here goes.....once upon a time, long ago and far away I fell in LOVE with hiking.  The crunch of the gravel path underfoot; the colourful canopy of tree branches raised in supplication above; the walls that were not walls at all but, instead, promises of new paths that could be taken....I found all of this so alluring.

Perhaps it was the family walks my mom and dad, Crystal, Tim, Conrad and I used to take together after church on Sundays.  A lovely walk down tree-lined hills towards a little waterfall on the Grand River.  Perhaps it was a gene passed on from my walk-loving mother.  Perhaps it was all the camping and outings we had in Elora Gorge Park or the Elora Quarry, where every walk was transformed into a breathtaking hike along immense cliffs.  Either way, I fell in love with hikes.

As I grew older and had children,  I met other women who shared this love.  Together we would strap on our children in slings and carrying backpacks, load up a few more in double strollers, equip any of the tiny walkers with appropriate hiking attire and set out.  Hiking is always awesome.  Hiking with kids is hilarious awesome!  Whereas I can get preoccupied with getting from Starting Point to Destination, my tiny hikers have taught me (time and time and time again) that the hike is all in the details.  The tiny caterpillar crawling across the path, glimpses of white-tailed deer running for their life from the racket we bring into nature, beautiful blossoms shyly lifting their faces to the sun, birds eating from our hands, muskrats, wood ducks, snakes that hiss a warning, caves that must be explored, trees that beg to be climbed, swamps that beckon.......so many details to witness when hiking with children...

"A CATERPILLAR!  We should watch him, mom."
"Why does he move like that?  Why are his colours brown and black?  What does he eat?  Did God make him too?"

"Mom, look at this frog I just caught!  Yes, I am wearing my good running shoes.  No, I did not realize that I wasn't supposed to get soaking wet already on this hike.....  but look at this frog's face when I kiss him!"

"MOM!  Look at how high I can climb in this tree!  Mom!  Look!  Uh, mom.....can you come and get me out.  Mom, I'm scared....MOM?  MOM?"

"Mom, I hafta pee.....can I pee on this flower or that flower?  Now I hafta poo...."

But when I began to homeschool and my hiking companions began to send their kids to "away school", our schedules became too different for regular hiking times.  Bye-bye regular hiking with Amanda and Mar....:(
That was when I discovered the hiking group within Beacon of Hope Homeschool Group.  Hello!  This group had been hiking together for years and years and years.  I recognized in these ladies a similar glint of insanity when it comes to being outside with our kids......a similar raw NEED to be there.

(side note: yes, I will get to the part where my treatment for today weighs in.  Be patient, make yourself a tea.  We will get there together, you and I.  We will get there together.)


Back to the crazy, hike-lovin' ladies I met.  The routine that had been established was that we would meet together on Wednesday mornings at different locations around our city:  Iroquois Heights, Red Hill Creek, Sanctuary Park, Canterbury Hills, Tiffany Falls, Eramosa Karsts.....like the stuff out of Tolkien book!  Whoever could make it out to the scheduled hike, would come out.  These hikes are glorious and unrefined and beautiful.  We meet together, strap on babies with slings or carriers, load up littles into strollers, equip bigger kids with shoes and walking sticks and set off.  There are usually at least 6 or 7 mothers on an average day with about 24 children.  Our vans pull up to the trail-head and children tumble and spill out in eager excitement.  Before you could holler, "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU KIDS ARE DOING?" those children are in trees, poking under rocks and exploring.  We have hand fed chickadees and white-breasted nuthatches; witnessed white-tailed deer grazing; spied on muskrats building their homes; assisted a stuck salmon on its salmon run; examined white trilliums growing boldly in the spring and held salamanders gently before releasing them back into their natural habitat.   It is a glorious, wonderous, marvelous couple of hours spent in nature.

Back when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and felt as if the "earth had given way" beneath me, my oncologist said that we should begin our chemotherapy treatments and that Wednesday would be the day.
Before I could stop myself, I held out a hand and  I blurted, "Oh no no no I can't!  That's my hike day..."
Silence fell.
My oncologist looked at me blandly from under his great, bushy grey eyebrows (I think he even raised one of those bushy boys in a sardonic manner!)
"We do want to help you get better...." he paused dryly to allow the weigh-in of hike vs chemo to sink in.  I think I overheard some crickets chirping for a few moments......crickets hate dead silences.  So do barking dogs.  A dog barked in the distance.

See, I need chemo to get better.  I understand that and I am so thankful to live close to the Juravinski Centre so that this is an easily accessible option.  I choose chemo.  I have to to get better.  It is part of the process, God willing, that will restore my health.
But......oh Hiking.....it restores my soul.
When I am out in nature, plugged in to it, filling my nostrils with its scents, and feasting my eyes on the detailed delights of leaves, birds, bugs and critters, I feel God.  He is all around in His creation.  I feel relaxed, rejuvinated, restored.  I feel Him in the beauty and the details, I feel His assurance, comfort, strength and love so immensely when I am in nature.

Hallways make me feel closed in, captured, cramped, claustrophobic.
But for a time, my hike day has been hijacked by hallways.  White, pristine, window covered hallways.  Where your shoes squeak on the tiled floor and the smells are all of some chemical.   Where the only animals allowed are guide-animals strictly adhering to their job.  Where you are expected to go from destination to destination and not explore.  I am confined.

Today was Chemo Three!  My Mother-in-Law accompanied me while my Mom stayed home with my tiny explorers.  We arrived and my mother-in-law promptly made several friends with various patients in the waiting room.  She has this gift for being able to get to know anyone who make eye-contact!
Wrapped up in warm blankets, the vile Chemo Three was administered.  I slept and my mother-in-law giggled along to the book that she was reading.
"It's HILARIOUS, Brigette, you have to read it!"  I really should read this book, I have been hearing about it's hilarity for some time.

Then all was done and we hiked through the hallways and made our way home.  All night, I have been eating little so as not to arouse the suspicians of my inner organs.  My theory is the less I feed them so soon after Chemo, the less likely they are to arouse Nausea.   Because I have a little something to say to Nausea but I will whisper it, "I am done with Chemo Three.  Hurrah!  So, take a hike, Nausea!"

So far, so good..........

Thank you for suffering through the ramblings of this baldish girl.  Thank you for caring, thank you for praying, thank you for your cards, meals and thoughts.  God is so good to us through you!  He is our strength through you.  Thank you so much, from myself and Paul, Liam, Donovan, Gwen and Lochlan

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."  Psalm 23: 1-3a