Who Gets to Call You Beautiful?

 

 

Who gets to call you beautiful?

Is it the man/ the woman/ the child/ the friend/ the co-worker/ the neighbour/ the random person you passed by on the street yesterday?

Who gets to call you beautiful?

The one who broke your heart?  Who lied?  Who left? The one who no longer stands by your side?

Why

on earth

would you ever trust the words or thoughts or opinions of THAT person –

you know, the one who hurts and harms and hates

the one who throws and casts out pain and prejudice, damage and deceit.

Why

on earth

would you allow yourself to be weighed/ measured/ valued/ inspected

evaluated

so that you determine your worth

through tainted eyes?

Why do we allow that one to decide our beauty, our worth, our value?

You know who gets to call you beautiful?

The man/ the woman/ GOD/ the child/ the friend/ the co-worker/ YOU/ the neighbour/ the random person you passed by on the street yesterday,

The one who built up your heart.  Who loved.  Who stayed.  Who always remains by your side.

Why

on earth

wouldn’t you trust the words and thoughts and opinons of THAT person –

you know, the one who holds and delights in and supports

the one who cherishes and understands, who shoulders burdens and shares life.

Why

on earth

wouldn’t you allow yourself to be valued/ cherished/ loved/ held/ honoured

respected

so that you determine your SELF

through the eyes of one who loves?

 

Who gets to call you beautiful?

The one who sees and knows your heart.

 

-         bv

Does Devastation Have the Final Word?

 It was every parent's worst nightmare!

It shocked our small town.

A nine-year old boy named Patrick - who played in the same small-town hockey league as my brother....had been hit by a drunk driver.

We heard he'd been playing ball hockey with friends when it happened.

But then a drunk driver hit him and crushed his legs.

They had to be surgically removed from the knee down.

Can you imagine receiving this news?

About your child? Your sibling? Your friend? Your neighbor? Your team-mate?

Devastation comes at us in all forms. Devastation ripples out and spreads shock and pain to the connected communities of people and families all the time.

And stuns us back into the realization that life is fragile and susceptible to sudden and devastating change.

In the blink of an eye.

Reminders like the accident that stole this young boy's legs are enough to make us stay in bed with the covers over our heads.

Who wants to face tomorrow if tomorrow brings with it the chance of pain and loss?

Not me.

But....

That nine-year old boy's life DID NOT END the day his legs were crushed and severed.

His story was NOT done.

Yesterday I was back in that small town and I saw a plaque beside the "Welcome to Fergus " sign.

The plaque proudly proclaimed that this little place was the home of Patrick Anderson - 3 time Paralympic champion and 4 time medalist.

What??!!

I remember little Patick....his devastating and the grief that flooded our community.

But Patrick did NOT stay down.

He healed, he grew more tenacious, a year after his accident he began playing wheelchair basketball and today he is considered to be the BEST wheelchair basketball player in the world.

Oh...and he's married, has 3 kids, is a musician and public speaker.

Which is a good reminder that devastation does NOT have the final word on our lives.

I'm not sure if Patrick is Christian, but I am sure that God is a God of healing and redirection who gives us the confidence to KNOW that when we look to and wait on God, we will ALWAYS rise again!

So....if you are facing devastation today, keep waiting on tomorrow. God can redeem even this.

("But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me." Micah 7: 7&8)

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bv

#womenencouragers

The Trauma of SILENCE.

 

**may contain trauma triggers**

Many years ago, she was assaulted. In broad daylight. She screamed, struggled, and ran home to hide. Later, a neighbour knocked on the door to tell her parents that he had witnessed everything.

Her parents had no idea how to handle this, and so they decided upon Silence.

"If we never talk about this, if we never bring it up with her or talk about it to anyone else, maybe she will forget! Maybe it will make her feel less upset/scared/traumatized. Let this never be spoken of again," they reasoned.

They loved her so much and they meant well.

But their Silence hushed any chance of a full and healthy recovery.

And heaped shame, blame, and embarrassment upon an already traumatic event

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Life seems so much easier if we don't talk about the tough topics, doesn't it? If we skip over the obvious drinking problem or tendency towards violence or inappropriate behaviour, if we gently avoid discussion on the giant family issue that's tearing us apart.

Life and gatherings seem so much easier if we can just talk about the weather or the latest hockey game or the government or what's on Netflix.

(Shall we just avoid those HUGE and IMPORTANT topics like a faith crisis, like addiction issues, like betrayal and marital breakdown, like infertility or miscarriage, like disappointment or abuse, like pornography and church abuse, like suicide....?)

In doing so, we can talk around that Giant Elephant in the Room, sitting there all big and annoying and interrupting everything.

But why?

Why don't we talk about what's on our heart? Why don't we travel the dark roads with one another? Why are we unwilling to expose to the Light of Jesus the darkness of this world?

Silence stifles. It stops conversations. It shames and blames. It invites judgement and stigma.

But when we break the silence, we provide a space for important conversations (we engage the Elephant!) We invite compassion and healing and understanding. We lay stigma aside and see people.....hurting people in need of Jesus love and kindness.

Friends, engage the Elephant and end the trauma of silence today!

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#womenencouragers #trauma

Breaking the SILENCE.

 

When they entered the church, an audible hush could he heard. Their twenty-something son had suddenly and tragically died the night before.

And they showed up at church grasping for the hope of Jesus and the comfort of His people.

They sat right beside me and I tensed. I had no idea - NO IDEA - what to say.

Finally, I scootched over and whispered, "I'm so sorry for your loss...I just....I don't know what to say..."

She turned a tear-streaked face toward me and I looked into eyes hollowed by grief and pain.

"That's okay. Sometimes no words are the best," she whispered. And then her cold hand clutched mine with desperation. As if I'd offered her a lifeline or anchor of hope.

We held hands and wept side-by-side for the duration of the service.

It was awkward.

It was uncomfortable.

It was inconvenient.

But it was right.

How do we break the silence when we don't know what to say?

We say, "I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry about ______. "

Or

We don't even use words.

We offer a hug, a shoulder to lean on, a pat, a text, a prayer right then and there, an email, an emoji (for goodness sakes....it can be as easy as an emoji!)

What we do do....is break the silence.

Why?

When we wade into the awkward and break the silence, we :

1. Acknowledge someone else's pain

2. Offer space to talk about it. Please don't assume that a person "doesn't want to talk about it". Perhaps this painful thing is ALL they want to talk about. You offer to listen and let them decide if they want to talk!

3. Lessen someone else's burden JUST by being there. Just by being WITH!

4. Push back the darkness of pain and grief just a little bit....by extending Jesus love, light, and compassion.

5. Encourage a culture where we wade into the awkward for the people we love.

Can you imagine a world where we talked each other through our pain?

Be the one to break the silence today.

Talk. Listen. Love. Repeat.

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#womenencouragers #breakthesilence

#talk #listen #whensilencehurts

The STING of Silence.

 

He loomed over me and screamed in my face. Spittle clung to the corners of his raging mouth. I stepped backward, afraid that any response would incite further rage.

I was in Costco with my four young children and years later, I'm still uncertain why the man was so angry.

Years later, I still feel panicked and shaky as I recollect the encounter.

Years later, I recall an EVEN GREATER HURT than the screaming man .....and that is the stinging silence of the people around me.

The day that man spittle-screamed in my face, my four young children hid behind me while I glanced around for help or support or anything.

A woman quickly glanced away and feigned absorbed interest in the socks she was holding.

Two men walked speedily in a wide berth around me, my kids and the screamer.

A Costco worker folded shirts with her head tucked down, working extra hard to not look our way.

The building was packed with men and women who were busily shopping for their bulk-sized groceries but not one - NOT ONE - stepped forward to intervene, or stop the abusive yelling, or ask me if I was okay afterward.

"Not my business", I can imagine them saying to one another, or

"Not my place, or

I'm not good at confrontation, or

I just don't want to pick sides, or

It's just so awkward!"

My thoughts on this sort of silence?

Self-justified cowardice.

We live in a world where good and evil are always at war and we must - WE MUST - always stand up for, support, and intervene when wrong or injustice or sin is happening.

It is always our business and always the place and always the time.

If we stay silent, our silence picks a side because our silence CONDONES the wrong/sin/injustice, or at the very least lets the wrong/sin/ justice slide.

And

Our silence HOLDS BACK support, love, care, and battle for the victims of wrong/sin/injustice.

Imagine if Jesus said, "I just don't want to be awkward. I'm really not into confrontation..."

Imagine if Martin Luther King Jr said, "It's not really the right time to speak up...."

My friends, Speak Up against injustice,

because when you don't

your Silence stings!

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#womenencouragers #whensilencehurts

Us against You??

 

Today, our team lost.

Even with the Before-Game strategy carefully reviewed in the van on the way over (Attack! Attack! Attack!) -

Even though there was passing and shooting and pucks pinging off the boards -

Even though our goalie achieved contortionist status as he sat in goalie-padded splits and swiped a puck out of midair-

Even though the coaches cajoled and coaxed and cheered and criticized and commanded -

Even then, we lost.

And the other team won.

It was their first victory of the season and their end-of-game celebration rivaled the greatest Stanley Cup playoff victory of all time. Sticks and gloves and helmets were thrown into the air and rained down like festive confetti.

Forwards and defense grabbed their goalie in a hug and they all fell to the ground in a communal embrace of joy.

They cheered and cheered and cheered whilst proud parents clicked pics to share with anyone and all who cared about a small victory in a house league in a tucked away arena of my hometown.

My son's friend was on that team and he exited the dressing room proudly wearing an army tag necklace with the words "NEVER QUIT!" etched onto the back.

"It's why we won!" he gushed to my son.

I expected disappointment or irritation from my child. Possibly about one hour of hockey-loss despair.

Instead he loaded his hockey bag and stick into the back of my van and said, "I'm kinda glad they won today. They deserved it."

The game is so much more than Us against You, isn't it?

It's about a thousand thousand collective experiences.

It's about sharing the fight and the dream and the sweet hard-earned victories with others.

It's about communal despair for the losses.

It's about teamwork that extends beyond the team.

It's about Us AND You.

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bv

#hockeythoughts #arenainspirations #womenencouragers #loss #win #hockey

The Good Old Hockey Game??

 

The good old hockey game took a dark turn this past weekend...

I was rinkside in good Canadian style, decked out in my winter parka and toque, nursing a Tim's medium regular, cheering on my baby boy and his hockey teammates when I heard it:

Blood-curdling screams of raw rage ripped from the throat of the angriest eleven- year old I've ever seen. His shoulders curled in and he thrashed and slammed his stick on the ice over and over and over again.

And again.

I stopped clapping over the winning goal that my son's team had scored. I stopped because it was obvious that the screaming defenseman from the opposing team had lost control.

His screaming and stick-slamming continued and suddenly I realized: he's stuck.

This poor boy is out-of-control stuck.

But before I or anyone else could think or do or say anything, his teammate swooped in. Literally he skate-swooped in, slid a hockey-gloved arm around the screaming boy and HELD HIM.

It was part restraining hold, part hug and the screaming suddenly ceased.

His body slumped and relaxed in the tight hold, his stick clattered useless to the ice.

His teammate held him for a few more seconds.

"You good?" I imagine him whispering before letting go.

Then they both retrieved their hockey sticks and skated to the bench.

The moment passes so quickly and could have easily been lost and forgotten in a game that was nail-biting, exciting, and fast.

But, for me, it's the most memorable moment of the game.

The moment when one teammate is in DESPERATE need of help, and another one shows up.

That's teamwork at its finest, isn't it? Friendship at its best. Hockey or any other sport showing its most beautiful side.

Because goals are important, assists are amazing; saves are special and penalties perhaps are best forgotten.....but it's the teamwork and showing up for each other and being there for one another when we need help, that's the stuff of memories!

The good old hockey game took a dark turn this weekend. But, thanks to a teammate, the darkness was pushed back and did not win.

Kindness and teamwork and love did.

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bv

#hockeygame #womenencouragers #hockey #teamwork #help #lovewins #sports